I don't feel that bad about it though, poor life choices like that are what maketh a man, and if you've not made a few wrong turns on life's decision highway, then I likely won't have much to say to you socially, or think much of you at all.

A willing companion to, conduit for and gateway into poor life choices since time immemorial (the seventies) has been heavy metal. An aural direct train to Fuck Up City, passengers have included misanthropic weirdos, drug addicted pond scum and lunatic dirtbags the world over. Those guys tend to be quite interesting at the very least, wouldn't you agree?

A few years after heavy metal crawled out of the collective youth consciousness and vomited a glorious darkness over a certain kind of difficult adolescent, a different kind of disenfranchisement made itself known via rap music. Granted, rap took a few years to develop a dark underbelly, but when it did, my gawd, it went in.

You'd imagine that given their respective heritages, attempts at a union between the two genres would be a short cut to sweet jams, but alas, attempts at crossovers from both sides generally resulted in meaningless tantrums and terrible folly. 

Of course, there's exceptions to this rule: everyone knows the Judgement Night Soundtrack goes hard, Ice T wasn't fucking around when he made this, Dalek do a good job of making a rap version of prog rock, and then there's Screwing Yourself To Live.

Screwing Yourself To Live is what happens if you're smart enough to get that groovy, primitive Black Sabbath and groovy, primitive southern rap have a common ground, and you actually get it together to do something about it. The marijuana enthusiasts behind my favourite rap blog Purple Tape Pedigree have done just that, and screwed up Ozzy-era Sabbath just like how DJ Screw took Houston rap and made it weeeeird back in the 90s. Here's what they did:

And here's what they had to say about it:

The almighty Black Sabbath were allegedly group drugged (involuntarily) by drinking from a communal punchbowl in an Oslo hotel bar and taken to a subterranean laboratory (under a log cabin, obviously) embedded deep in the darkened layers of Norwegian forestry. This was where the extraction of their respective DNA took place, followed by a rinsing with various active chemicals of the most potent in mind-altering substances on the planet. The plan was to place this concoction into an organic microchip implant, thus ushering in a wave of death proof superhumans, but alas, technological resources were just too meager at the time.

Cut forward some decades to December 2012…perhaps the last week of any December, ever. After a series of set-backs and plenty of mind gouging epiphanies, I find no better time than 9pm on the 17th day of the month to make my attempt at interpreting the legendary Sabbath-DNA-meets-drugs-and-digital-age formula for world domination. I brought along my potna dem, Alex of Steady Bloggin’, to help host this venture as he has been one of the most active and forward-thinking purveyors of projects directly taking after DJ Screw‘s style of music play. I wanted to pay my respects by creating this mix primarily on turntable and mixer, to keep it as human as possible (as the featured musicians were also playing live – not quantized machinery).

Without anymore sleep-deprived banter spewed, PTP and Steady Bloggin’ are fucking delighted to present this collage of heavy metal sludge omnipotence with a Houston, Texas lean (no pun?). All we ask is that you enjoy this responsibly and watch out for those portals that may open up.

I think the next step is chopped and screwed grime. Can someone please get on that? This was the only effort I could find anywhere on the internet:

It's a valiant attempt, but can we have some more?