What makes this ninth instalment of the game most interesting is the tie in with DC… and the fact that this venerable comics publisher couldn’t stand to see its stable of characters too closely associated with this adult franchise. As a result, the gimmicks that essentially made MK - the fatalities, the sub missions, the blood and the gore - are almost totally gone. So, one gimmick that worked has been replaced with another that frankly doesn’t.

Of course I knew or at least suspected all this before I opened the box. But, there was still a part of me relishing the prospect of kicking the shit out of Superman, tearing his head off and spattering Metropolis with his blood. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be. Lawyers, Marketers and other suits have got a hold on this franchise and torn its soul out instead, leaving us with a game that is a laugh but won’t hold your interest for much longer than it takes to load, which is longer than it should.

In the face of this corporate molestation I’ve decided to write a list of my top ten finishing moves of all time. It’s a sort of eulogy to all the good times this franchise has given me.

 

10

Kung Lao, Mortal Kombat 2. Wearing a steel rimmed cowboy hat isn’t particularly cool, chopping people in half with it, well, that is cool. To execute: →, →, →, Left kick.

9

Shang Tsung, Mortal Kombat 2.  This may be one of the stupidest fatalities, but boy is it difficult, and that’s why it’s in this list. To execute: as soon as the last round starts, hold left punch. Three seconds after “finish him” is announced, release. It sounds easy, but trust me, it isn’t.

8

Liu Kang, Mortal Kombat 2. I love Liu Kang, so does Raiden. Comedy genius from our friends at Midway. To execute:  →, ←, ←, ←, Left kick.

7

Jax Mortal Kombat 2. Tearing off your opponents arms is fun. Wrong, maybe. But fun. It’s a simple and effective fatality from a highly ineffective character. To execute: Block x4, Left punch.

6

Johnny Cage, Mortal Kombat 2. The least cool character in the history of computer games can tear a man in half with his bare hands, which pretty much makes him a god in my eyes! To execute:  ↓, ↓, →, →, Left punch.

5

Reptile, Mortal Kombat 3. Sticks out tongue. Eats opponents head. Wears green. Says “Tasty”.  Doesn’t really make sense, but I like it. To execute:  ←, ←, ↓, Left punch.

4

Liu Kang, Mortal Kombat 2+3. There are few pleasures in life quite as sweet as crushing your enemies with a classic arcade game. To execute: Hold block, ↑, ↑, ↓, ↑, release block, block + any direction.

3

Kano, Mortal Kombat 1. Everyone wants to be able to pull out someone’s heart with a single punch, and they never will. Well, Kano might be a shit character, but unlike you, he can. To execute:  →, →, ←, ←, Block.

2

Johnny Cage, Mortal Kombat 1.  Why do I love Johnny Cage? Is it the bicycle shorts? His tendency to do the splits before executing uppercuts to his opponents balls? His extraordinary ego? I don’t know.  But whatever it may be that shrouds him in enigma, this is a classic move from the man who has many fans, and no mates. To execute:  →, →, →, High punch.

1

Sub Zero, Mortal Kombat 1.  The fatality that made the franchise, and yet disappeared after its second instalment. It’s a work of perfectly pitched, excessive and ultimately pointless violence… just genius. To execute:  →, ↓, →, High punch.

 

To check out all fatalities over the franchise’s history videos below: