Earlier this week we broke the news regarding Sly Fox Brewery's ground-breaking topless can design. But in even ground-breakinger news that almost certainly concerns all of us, I can reveal that my cousin Allan - who isn't even unemployed - invented the topless beer aaaaages ago. It's unrealistic to think that the smug fat-cats at Sly Fox could have come up with the idea of turning a small drink-hole into a slightly bigger drink-hole - only the humble drinker could have such a creative drinking spark. I can only conclude that they somehow found mine and Allan's Twitters and hi-jacked the idea from the various photos we've taken of Topless Beers. This may seem far-fetched, but when you consider we have a combined following of upwards of 160 users, it becomes terrifyingly plausible. I spoke to Allan about the invention of Topless Beer:

"I was down in carlsbad about to hit the bars and couldn't find a disposable cup for a roadie sodie. I grabbed a can but was having trouble fitting my ice cubes through the mouth-hole. I then opted to can-opener the entire top off and was surprised by the clean finish and drinkability of the container. The following morning the beers were warm so I can-opened the top off and put some ice-cubes in. Again, the flow, taste, and novelty of the topless beer can was just too good to ignore."

He then sent me a pic of the original TB:

That's proof if I ever saw it. What sickens me most is that they are making money off this, when it was gonna be given away for free - a bit like Tim Berners-Lee and the internet or the guy who invented the diagonal cut sandwich. Remember, this definitely affects all of us - Independent breweries think they can get away with murder just because they champion the whole 'product before profit' idea. It's the same scam that has us spending £6 on flavoured beers we don't even like, and why we'll soon be drinking pre-made topless beers so we can "smell the aromas" or some shit. It has to stop, and the sooner we all head over to my Kickstarter and donate £10 the sooner I can lawyer-up to sue Sly Fox. Ok, thanks. 

Better than Reuters @JackBlocker